An Invitation

This blog's purpose has been filled, so if you want to keep up with our family and continue to see pictures of our cute kids, please come over to my new blog.

I'm going to now be blogging over here from now on.

Is she photogenic or what???

December 30, 2008: I don't know if anyone is still checking this blog since I rarely update anymore, but I couldn't resist posting this gorgeous photo of our brown-eyed beauty.

Happy Birthday, Ava!

Ava's birthday was the 10th. She is now 4 years old!!! The musical snow globe Chad picked out is her favorite gift. He just knew she would love it when he saw it. We had a birthday party with our family and the 4 grandparents. Ava was so excited for it to finally be her birthday because she has watched all the other kids in our family have birthdays since she's been home.



Click the play button above to see Ava blow out her candles! She knew just what to do! Watch the expression on her face as we sing to her; it is so priceless.

Ava got another party, too. My friend Mandi (who adopted Mylee from the same orphanage and traveled to China with Chad), threw a surprise birthday party for Ava last Friday. You can click here to see Mandi's blog post with pictures from the party. And you can click here to see Ava with her "Nanjing friends" when we got together. I love all of these Nanjing kids so much; they are like Ava's extended family to me.

With Ava's birthday, I've been thinking a lot about her birth mother and how hard it must have been for her to make the hard choice to give her daughter up. I know she must be thinking of Ava at this time and wondering if she's okay. We have been praying that God would give her birth mother and birth father a supernatural peace that Ava is okay and with a family that loves her. If you are unfamiliar with why babies are placed for adoption in China, click here.

A Mother's Love (author anonymous)

She left you one morning,
She had no choice.
In a country of millions
She had just one voice.

The law made it clear
One child will do.
To obey it would mean
No hope for you.

As she laid you down
Her eyes became blurried.
On saying goodbye
She said, "Don't you worry."

Another will come
To take my place.
A mother will come
From a different race.

She'll hold you and love you
And make you her own.
She'll take you away
To a brand new home."

She then ran away
Her heart broke in two.
"Don't ever forget
That I love you too."

Today also marks 6 months since Chad received Ava in China! He likes to say that I delivered the other children and he "delivered" Ava. (I'm sure it was not nearly as painful...ha,ha) I leave you with my favorite picture from that day six months ago, the first time Chad held her in his arms just moments after seeing her for the first time. Ava has the most expressive eyes and you cannot miss the look of hope in her eyes in this picture. (Am I ever going to really end this blog???)

November 11, 2008

A cool fall evening, a video camera, a great song, 5 cute kids, and a fun (and talented) Daddy. Combine them all and this is what you get (make sure your volume is turned up):

A Different Kind of Post

October 27, 2008

This post is going to be very different than any of my others. Our blog has focused on the positives in our adoption process. Why? Because first of all, that is what I want to focus on- the amazing thing God has done in Ava's life and in our lives. He has brought her to us and has answered all of our prayers and wiped away our worries about this whole experience. However, looking back over my posts, I am feeling like I told a "fairy tale version" of our adoption experience. Don't get me wrong; in many ways it has been a fairy tale. Ava's adoption and her transition into our family have gone better than I could have EVER imagined. However, there is another side to this whole experience, something I have really not blogged about because it is a personal and painful part of Ava's past. I won't go into detail, but in short, Ava's past involved a lot of neglect and suffering. This shouldn't be shocking to anyone, considering she spent her first 3 1/2 years in an orphanage. If you want to get a tiny glimpse of what life is like for a baby in a Chinese orphanage, go here and read an excerpt from the book "Silent Tears," which was just released this year and was written by an American who volunteered in a Chinese orphanage in the same province that Ava lived in.

"Half the Sky" is an organization whose goal is to make life better for children living in Chinese orphanages. They go in and change the way things are done in Chinese orphanages. For example, they provide nurture and stimulation for babies and a preschool environment for toddlers. From their website, "Listless babies have learned to coo, to laugh, to cuddle, and to follow the sounds of their nannies’ voices. Withdrawn, sullen preschoolers have learned to draw and plant sunflowers,... negotiate with their peers for toys, and greet their teachers with open arms." "Half the Sky" came into Ava's orphanage when Ava was two years old. So life in her orphanage did improve after that, but an orphanage is still an orphanage. It is common for two-year-old children adopted out of Ava's orphanage to not yet be walking on their own. It is common for the one-year-olds to not be able to sit up on their own, bear any weight on their legs, or hold a toy. It is common for babies to come home with severe self-soothing behaviors (rocking, etc) and totally flat heads from all the time spent laying on their backs in their cribs. The babies and toddlers adopted do not know how to be held by an adult. They do not know how to give or receive a hug. They are simply not used to physical touch at all. They have been neglected beyond belief...emotionally, physically, and spiritually neglected. This is not true for all children in all orphanages, but it is sadly true for the vast majority. Chad said he remembers the children in Ava's orphanage when he visited. They were so desperate for attention. Heartbreaking doesn't even begin to describe it.

Our agency told us to figure that when we get our child, expect her to be one month smaller than average for every 3 months spent in the orphanage. In other words, Ava should have been about one year behind in growth by age 3 and she was. The reason isn't only due to poor nutrition, although this plays a part. The other reason is due to failure to thrive.

Gabe is 4 months old. If I had left him to languish alone in his crib during these first 4 months, not giving him attention, not holding him or touching him, just propping a bottle for him every few hours, I would expect him to already have irreversible damage from that (that is if he didn't die from failure to thrive). No, he wouldn't remember it later, but it would shape him. Ava has had 3 1/2 years of that kind of neglect. There are scars from her past. We are all still adjusting. God is the Great Physician and He is healing her, but God created babies to need love and nurturing. It will take time and God does not choose to always heal all scars completely in our timing.

I am blogging about this because I want to share some of the reality of our journey. I can't emphasize enough that there is a HUGE need for these children. They are suffering and we cannot look away. While we are already thinking of toys to get for our kids this Christmas, children in orphanages don't need toys. They need parents. We have several close friends who have recently started the adoption process. Words cannot express how overjoyed we are at the thought of more orphans coming home to their forever families. If you've ever thought about adopting or if God is laying it on your heart, please look into it soon. Or if you are not in the position of adopting, please pray about how God may use your financial resources or encouragement and prayer to help a child come home to a different family. There are many couples who would adopt if the finances weren't a concern. (However, if you are in that category, remember that God is bigger than this roadblock, too. He sure was for us. We did not have the money when we started our journey, but God provided through His people.) There are so many children waiting, especially children with special needs and children older than babies. Yes, they will have scars. Yes, they may be broken. It is a huge commitment and a big risk. But God is bigger. He is in control. And He will never leave us.

With Christmas right around the corner, Chad and I are so burdened by the many children who will spend yet another Christmas alone without even knowing Christmas exists and what it means. Click here if you haven't seen the video that I've posted before. It is an orphan's prayer to God and features orphans from China. This video is what opened our eyes and gave us a glimpse of what these children go through.

I want to thank everyone again for supporting us through our adoption journey. Many of you contributed financially; many of you prayed for Ava and encouraged us. You partnered with us to bring her home. We got the better end of the deal. There is no other feeling in the world like loving and kissing a child who you recently adopted and hearing that child call you "Mommy" or "Daddy." There is no other feeling like tucking your newly adopted child into a warm bed at night and whispering "I love you...you belong here."

One of the conversations I love having with Ava is when I ask her, "Do you remember when Daddy and Brookie came and got you in China?" She always says, "Yeah." Then I tell her that God gave her to us as a special present and we are so happy to have her. She loves to hear about her adoption and to watch the video footage (that my dad took) of her and Chad meeting for the first time in China. When we watch the video, she keeps looking at Chad to see that he is watching and then points to the screen with the most excited look on her face! Adopting Ava is one of the most rewarding things Chad and I have ever had the privilege of being a part of, right up there with giving birth to our other children. Adoption is amazing. It isn't without costs and it is not easy, but nothing worth doing really is, right?

I'm posting some new pictures. I'm also posting a picture of Ava when she was living in the orphanage. It was taken exactly one year ago. We still can't get over how this does not look like the same child. Her "before" pictures are not unique. We have seen the "before" pictures of so many children who are now adopted and of children still waiting. You would think they are related. The look of utter hopelessness in their faces...We are are in awe of what God and a good dose of His love can do.

I will post again with some pictures after Ava's fourth birthday coming up on November 10th, so you can check back after that if you want. We are so looking forward to giving Ava her first birthday party!

Ava has been HOME for 5 Months Now!!!

I thought I'd share some pictures to celebrate Ava being home for 5 months! Actually, October 22 will mark that day, but the 12th marks 5 months since Chad got her in China.

Also Chad got me a new digital camera for my birthday (last month) and I just really wanted to show off these great pictures!

I love the "sepia" effect on my camera, so I took several pictures in that mode (the brown and white).

The kids have enjoyed this unseasonably warm weather and have been outside all the time. Gabe has grown HUGE and he's not even 4 months yet. Brooke is now 7 (Happy birthday, Brooke), Ashton is 5, Kate is 3, and Ava will turn 4 years old next month! Can you believe it?

Tara

Brown Couch Photo, August 15, 2008

I thought this picture was just way too cute not to share! (Make sure you click on it to enlarge it.) I got together Friday with 4 other Fort Wayne moms who have all brought home little girls within the last 6 months- all from the same orphanage in Nanjing, China! The children are (from left): Mylee age 2 1/1, Clara age 1 1/2, Millie age 2 1/2, Elsa age 1 1/2, and Ava age 3 1/2. They are all beautiful little girls and have all made HUGE strides physically, emotionally, and socially since coming home to their families. It was such a blessing to be able to see all these kids reunited, this time not as orphans in an orphanage but as children with Christian families. God is good!!!

Next are pictures of each mom with her daughter: Mandi with Mylee, Kelli with Clara, Susan with Elsa, Marna with Millie, and me with Ava.